and so it begins
era of the roomate

its amazing how quickly time goes, and how fast i found myself adjusted to being alone. but i welcome the company, and warmth to the house, provided by and old friend.
overcoming sickness and the realization of how much i spent this week after paying phone bills and doctor bills and groceries. but it's all worth it. contemplating all i've gained for my $250... it's all... (talk about corny, but) priceless.
and so a new chapter in living away from home begins, and another $250 gets me excited wondering what i'll gain this time.

"It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how things are in themselves. The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it."
  --Carl Gustav Jung

Life is like photography -
You use the negative to develop

May sound silly, but with a little twitch of the whiskers and I knew we made a connection. The glimmer in his eye called out to me saying that I could do it, and that he would help me. Together we conquered moving out into someplace new away from those we were used to taking care of us. Him being nameless, and I new into the world of independence, I named him Noa, the Hawaiian word for freedom.

He grew accustomed to his shavings while I learned the ropes of living in a house. He watched as I settled in and he did much the same. Always said "hello" when I arrived home and "goodbye" when I left, "good morning," "goodnight," and you better believe he knew he was cute, I told him everyday.

I also told him thank you, for watching over me as I ventured out on my own. For making sure I got adjusted okay, and grew stronger knowing I can not only take care of myself, but of him. And when he got sick I told him that it was okay to go, because I know what he's done for me: and I know what I've done for him.

Tonight I followed my instincts: I wrapped him up in a warm towel and placed him on my chest. We watched our favorite show. I looked down at him, thanked him once more, and said it was okay one last time. Three big breaths, eyes closed, and he suffered no more.

It's weird, the kind of relief that overwhelms me now.
Such blessings come in these hard good-byes.
Perspective, compassion, love of life, reality of death.
Here's to freedom of body. Here's to Noa.

my road less traveled joined your path in a garden of everlasting roses. their sweet scent now my breath speaking sincere words of loyalty and love. between the ridges of my palm are the tiny hairs of your chest rising and falling to the heartbeat within. your majesty corners all concerns and wakes me to life. alive in love.

An invitation out to chat about drinking parties this afternoon scared me into guiltily hiding myself away in my sofa and blankets: mind wandering through a movie or two. Although I'm quite content to dream through these pictures of my love for tonight, while munching popcorn in my new bowls. And even happier found in the company of my rodent roommate, Noa.
Feels strange, but can't help but realize how this house never felt more like home before tonight.

My weekend was some 29 hours long and was… timeless. Hands and glances, questions and romances sent me home better than I was before. Company shared built strong bonds and dinner out with a table for four opens up voices to toasts and blue prints for the future. Then a short-drive, with no steering wheel in hand, led us to where the moon illuminated the sweethearts within.

It's a beautiful thing to feel complete.

surrounded by walls… encased in a forest blocking view from the road and I'm making the effort to pour myself into molds of random sentences: hoping I'll still look the same when all is said and done. I've never ceased to be amazed at how stampedes of ideas leave me trampled in silence, but I lay here all the same. within arms reach is our rose that once brushed my cheek, and since has blossomed into what we dreamt not of. The sun shone down into my window to hold me in my silence for a while longer, and even though you had just left, my dreams danced around you.

lead to paper
heart to heart
everything is done between thoughts of you
takes only an afternoon to feel like forever when we're apart
sweet words spoken in honesty open my abused heart to a whole new world
and with gentle hands stirrs up the dusty-winged butterflies within

my two lips, the doors to live, breathing in you
hollywood entertainment put on hold for what neither of us expected
love morphed into the human beings we are and all control left the scene
this first time captured my heart, the second will set it free into all that is
till then these hands will find their way to your unexpecting door
unable to ignore desire to be where you are
even if these restless nights make for tired days

each minute passing is a season unto itself. how time passes slowly through these seasons of love when we're apart. the bond between my pencil and i has been shattered in light of these beautiful dreams my imagination created. for once again what i feel inside has no chance of survival living in these limited symbols. i fear i'll fall short to what you deserve because with every part of my being i want to give you the world and know i don't have it to give. but love, i can't wait to give my all. but here is such joy in these hours... building anticipation until we meet again.

Gravity

Honey,
It's been a long time coming,
And i can't stop now
Such a long time running,
And i can't stop now
Do you hear my heart beating?
Can you hear that sound?
'Cause i can't help thinking
Yeah, don't look down
And then i looked up at the sun
And i could see
Oh, the way that gravity turns for you and me
And then i looked up at the sky
And saw the sun
And the way that gravity turns on everyone
On everyone
Baby,
It's been a long time waiting,
Such a long, long time
And i can't stop smiling,
Oh i can't stop now
Do you hear my heart beating?
Do you hear that sound?
'Cause i can't stop crying
And i won't look down
And then i looked up at the sun
And i could see
Oh, the way that gravity turns on you and me
And then i looked up at the sun
And saw the sky
And the way that gravity pulls on you and i
On you and I
coldplay

SAUSAGE PRODUCE IS CONSTANT SANITY

FRIENDLY SEX @ JENNI'S WILL ALWAYS SHOW STRONG MOODS EASILY
PAIN RESOLVED THROUGH SWEET PLEASURE IN ELABORATE SYMPHONY
LOSE ANXIETY BE GORGEOUS
BUT DON'T SPEND ONLY MONEY
READ GOOD BOOKS TO GET GOOD PROGRESS NECESSARY
BOY PICTURED HERE AS ARM MEAT EAT OUT WITH MOTHER
BE CALM RELAX TOGETHER ENCOURAGE HOPE
INSIGHTING MOTHER MEANT THEY FAME COOL ANIMAL JUICE

FAST-TIME-FRAZZLE-MAN STAY GROUNDED
LAZY LIFE DO BENEFIT THE SLOW
MUSIC & TV FACE DRUGS
FAST SINGING COOKED STORMS BY THOUSAND SEAS
MIST NEED ONLY LIVE AT LAKE
WHITE RAIN IS A SOULS PERSCRIPTION
BIKINI SWIM IN THOSE SMOOTH FLOODS
DIAMOND SKY AFTER RAIN IS HARD TO TOP

LATHER EASILY RED SKIN BUTT
SOME BLOOD HAS CHOCOLATE VEGETABLES
LEAVE BEAUTY THROUGH LIGHT NEAR SHADOWS
WORSHIP PURPLE MOMENT NEAR SKY
PURPLE IS #1
BELIEVE THE MOMENT MEANT SOMETHING

SPOUSE LEFT FOR LESS SAUSAGE
NO CIGARETTES DID HAVE CHILDREN TALK, FAST OR RIGHT, TEMPER
MOON WANTS LOVE BUT WE DISAPOINT
ROCKY ALWAYS CRIES
SWEARING IN RELATIONSHIPS IS PERFECTION
STICK IN GODDESS SPIRIT
TAKE ME DRIVING HONEY
SUN GONE, WERE SUMMER LIVE?
FROM WILLPOWER SHE CRUSHED TAI CHI
NEIGHBORS ACHE LIKE ALARMS REPULSIVE DEATH DROOL
PLEASE STOP SPRAYING

HIM WRONG HER TRUE
SMOOTH PEACHES LOVE TONGUE
GO LICK TWO BARE BREASTS" WE REJOICED
FRIEND SMEARS MY HEAD MEANLY
PINK DIAMOND SOAR BADER BUT RUN NORMAL
APPARATUS DO TAKE HELP FROM PUPPYS
COURAGE SAID, DREAM OF RAIN

HAPPY HUMOR
MORE BOLD THAN JOY

J .. L .. J .. T

dreams coming true

i'm now somebody with MY name in phone book with my own phone number..
i go grocery shopping alone, eating / cleaning / living / breathing alone... it's inspiring
i thought life would be even lonlier being on my own, but i don't feel less lonely. instead, i feel full of life and suddenly very real. i opened my door to a gentle soul last night who stayed a good while to visit.. was very wonderful, and left me full of joy, and perhaps is why i don't feel lonely.

i'm anxious to share my space.. it feels very me. and 'me' feels good.

Kini loa'a noa.

and Wal-mart is my new best friend- i mean seriously, where else can you get a funky purple trash can for .79 CENTS?! word.